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Reputation

  In the house where your sadness is a nuisance and your anger a silence nobody bothers to acknowledge, the currency of belonging is not honesty but performance.  A bright laugh that rang a little too early, a clever remark that landed before the conversation had fully formed, a face that seemed to glow with genuine pleasure at your arrival—these are the tokens that bought you a seat at the table.  The moment you cross the threshold, the walls already know the script you are supposed to follow; they measure you by the sparkle of your entrance, not by the weight of the stories you carry beneath it. The rule is simple: first impressions matters more than the tangled truths that linger in the corridors of your mind.  A reputation, in that environment, is a story told by other people—a montage of snapshots that never quite captured the pauses, the sighs, the moments when the mask slipped. And once the story left the mouths of the gossiping guests, you no longer hold the ...
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Getting rid of bonds

 


Step after step, getting rid of bonds, malicious bonds, which hold you captive like in a mold, a matrix, you learned to consider your skin…

It takes time.

The first step is to realise you are in a mold. When you fully realise it, you just want to liberate yourself, and yet you can’t. Every time you try to cut the ties that keep you in the mold, you simply can’t. Fear and strong guilt feelings are the major hindrance. Therefore you step back, suddenly ashamed of yourself for that kind of pride that pushes you out of the common rules, daring too much. Now you see how wild you were. Submissive and obedient you feel docile and pious again, and the blessings pour onto you. You are back, well protected inside the mold.

And yet, after some time here it is again: that deep push inside. Again you feel tremendously lucid in your thoughts and feelings. You clearly see the inner prison which binds you like in a spell. You realise that indeed: it is a spell! And again you feel that terrible urge inside to severing ties. But you can’t. There is not enough strength inside.

Once again, the rebellious wave calms down and once more you humbly go back in the ranks.

Eventually, one day, totally out of the blue, without any sign that could reveal you were getting ready, something of minor importance happens, and you simply cut off everything which was still binding you to situations and people, holding you hostage in their emotional and pseudo moral blackmail! And you are out of the mold, out of the matrix. Surprised that everything happened without any effort, but very smoothly, simply and naturally!

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