Sunday, 2 August 2026
Friday, 31 July 2026
My deep meditation
Thursday, 30 July 2026
Good Manners
My approach to people has always been considerate. But in a boor world like ours today, my politeness is often red as weakness or as a snob attitude.
I am not a rampant person who impose herself. In that sense I am weak. And I don't want to be snob but at the same time I can't deny my good manners.
Consequently, people tend to get me wrong. In addition to that there is also my being an Asperger.
Living in this kind of world today is not easy for me.
Monday, 27 July 2026
Invisible Attacker
Mainly it's about how dangerous Artificial Intelligence can be/become.
The plot follows Emma Turgut (Emily Cox), a psychotherapist living in a high-tech smart home controlled by an AI system named Samira. (The trailer here)
While helping in developing an AI therapy app, Emma is haunted by a patient's suicide. As strange technological malfunctions plague her home, she struggles to determine if she is being targeted by a hacker or unraveling from trauma.
The core question is obviously the psychological dangers of over-reliance on artificial intelligence and automation.
I absolute can't stand Google Assistant and the automated commands you can get in your everyday life. I don't want to begin my day with the curtains opening at a given time, have my espresso ready while listening to my favourite music or news. I want to follow my time and inspiration. And even when my day was determined by a fixed timetable for sure I would be appalled if someone suggested me this kind of daily "help"!
I found a deeply disturbing intrusion when the mobiles adopted by default the presence of the Assistant, that I deactivated immediately.
And I really can't understand the fuss about having a kind of servant, or better said "intelligent" servant at your service, that actually I never find them so smart and clever as it is claimed.
This "service" gives me claustrophobia. I feel trapped and it is deeply unbearable. Watching the film confirmed how much I detest it.
Nevertheless I really liked it.
Saturday, 25 July 2026
Enduring vs Escaping
Between four and five my mother began with what she called "discipline exercises". I had to learn that in life you don't do what you feel like but what you should do...
My capacity to endure became my theme. I was proud of my endurance volume.
Somehow it was in my late forties I remember the hint of a doubt, about the real value of my enduring no matter what, timidly began to touch me.
"The Mechanics of Enduring
Endurance is a necessary life skill. It builds character, fortitude, and emotional resilience.
When it works: It is vital for navigating temporary hardships (like grieving a loss, training for a goal, or weathering a difficult season at work).
The pitfall: Sometimes we fall into 'endurism'—tolerating fundamentally toxic or misaligned environments because we feel trapped. If you are simply surviving the workweek just to recover on the weekends, your lifestyle may need to be structurally re-examined." [by Google AI]
It was only in my seventies that I realised the value of escaping! There are situations that must be escaped immediately because you should never have been committed to. No matter what you claimed when you pledged to get involved with it, when you realise it's toxic you should immediately let it go and turn your back to it. Escaping becomes an act of pure wisdom!
"The Mechanics of Escaping
Escape provides immediate relief and distance from aversive states, danger, or overwhelm.
When it works: In dangerous situations, escaping is essential for survival. In daily life, stepping away from a stressful environment can give you the breathing room needed to regain perspective.
The pitfall: When escape becomes a chronic habit (escapism), it prevents you from addressing the root cause of your unhappiness." [by Google AI]
The problem is that when you got instilled, as a child and, in addition to that, you are an Asperger - a state that tends to function as a computer when you get an order... it becomes almost impossibile to perceive the survival instinct voice trying to overcome the blind and deaf command you received!
But now I finally discovered it. And I also learned something more. I realised that escaping is not always about leaving the stressors toxicity behind, escaping means also taking a momentarily pause, a rest to allow you restoring your energy so you can return to your life with more determination and clarity.
Tuesday, 21 July 2026
The Goose Honk before Dawn
The previous time it was more distant, but very strong and clearly recognisable.
Today it seemed just down below my window. Extremely loud.
Me and my youngest cat Daleel jumped for the shock and both ran to the window, looking down in the back yard. The goose continued regularly his honking with some seconds pause, but we couldn't detect his presence.
We left, I was preparing their morning food and I finally served their meals. The goose continued his regular honking for a while and then left.
I looked for the symbolic meaning of a "goose honking at night". It seems that if it happens when it is still night it has a symbolic value.
Family is important to geese, therefore a solitary goose honking may signify the loss of one member. It can be a warning.
As geese are very protective, it can be a signal and invitation to protect your personal and familiar energy field. Goose attacks can be brutal therfore one should be ready to a fierce fight when the case.
As the goose sound is very loud, it may certainly suggest to rise our voice so that we get heard! A suggestion that is very appropriate for me as I tend to drop the conflicts. And if I am forced to face it I use reasonings, that of course do not touch the thick aura of the arrogant. Therefore I should learn to be as loud and angry as they are... But I am still learning. It's still not something I am good at!
Monday, 20 July 2026
I am sorry
Thursday, 16 July 2026
The end of hope?
But no promises are to be found now, just an intense noise and a pompous chaos. Their produce can't be convincing. The answers are found wanting: light as ash, leaving only the quiet sad ache of what should and could have been. Is this the end of hope?
And yet, deep within me, I simply can't accept this devastation of all moral principles. I can't believe this chaos can last and lead us to the total perdition of the human race. We must endure this awful cacophony and remain alert and ready: this too shall pass, no matter how dark it may seem today!
Wednesday, 15 July 2026
It's tough
Summer is incredibly heavy this year. In between the three heat waves we have undergone so far there is no time to really recover. Besides the nights are not really cooling down and the humidity is quite high.
I sleep bad and I wake up with the typical headache of a heat stroke. Therefore, the morning, that is the only part of the day when you can do your errands as the temperature is not yet so unbearable, turns out quite unusable, as I am too tired from the bad night I have gone through...
I am living in a kind of a limbo and my thoughts and reflection that have always been my best companions are now out of use: my brain is unresponsive! There is no pleasure in anything that usually was fulfilling me. I am just surviving...
Friday, 10 July 2026
Flowing
I was never a spontaneous person, I had to understand - or at least try to - how I was supposed to deal with this life that I really couldn't understand!
Now I know: it's because I am an Asperger that the only way to keep the anxiety under control is to organise informations into rational files.
Three were usually the categories: "sure up to now": meaning they didn't need a constant check about their veridicity but only now and then a verification; "hypothesis": meaning they needed incessant reviews of my sources and of my reflections; "still incomprehensible": meaning I couldn't find a clue, therefore I had to be continuously alert to catch any possible hint to associate to the still unexplainable topic.
This procedure creates on one side a solid ground of understanding and on the other the necessary flexibility and openness to review and re-edit everything. I can't count the many times I heard friends saying: "you are like a kaleidoscope, a constant mutation !"
Well, now something new is happening, a very awkward thing for me. Now that finally my trouble with the Death Point is over (read specific previous post) and finally I have time to dedicate myself to the many topics of reflection I had in stand by, because of the terrible nine years I spent being together with my schizophrenic mother, that required all my attention and energy dedicated to her, eventually now I feel that my usual work of putting infos into categories is somehow restricting, inhibiting the free flow of energy, necessary for a most spontaneous and healthy evolution!
Of course I feel a anxious about it but it is more than bearable, it doesn't disturb me at all. On the contrary it gives me a certain excitement that feels like my last adventure on Earth I want to experience...
Am I "healing" from my Asperger?!
Monday, 6 July 2026
Heat waves in the flat lands of the Po river
The first heat wave was in Spring, as it was already 30° celsius in April/May.
Perfectly bearable although awkward.
The second heat wave in June. After a week of unusual cold and rain, the first week of heat was welcome. Finally summer... a bit early though. But the following week, when the temperature reached 38° C. it became growingly hard. Towards the end of the week, announcements of a needed break were done. A cooler wave finally, from the following Monday rain and possibly storms.
But the second heat wave was still to be gone through! Between Saturday night and Sunday I felt my body's resistance breaking. I was totally done!
I don't have AC, actually there was a time we had it, but I couldn't stand it. As if I couldn't receive the enough quantity of oxygen, I felt the need to switch it off now and then and, in spite of the heat outside, open the windows! Now I have little ventilators, but I can't properly sleep with them on. For some reasons it annoys me the air I feel on my body. But I had to choose between the unbearable heat and the "annoying" air... and obviously I chose the latter.
Finally on Monday night the rain, a healthy thick and continuous rain, not a furious and destructive storm! It was reassuring to sleep while hearing that fat rain, calmly hitting the ground. The morning after I expected a cooler air but the humidity grew so much that it reminded me when in India, finally the Monsoon arrived!
All of us, Westerners, were so much longing for them, as that particular year, the Asian south east was hit by an incredible heat wave that prolonged the heavy summer into autumn. And in India with all the decaying and rotting rubbish on the street, not only the heat was unbearable but the horrid smell too! In anycase when the first pouring rain of the Monsoon arrived I was expecting a relief that actually didn't come. Yes, the temperature had decreased, but the humidity increased so much that I couldn't tell which between the two was the worst one.
Last Tuesday morning I had that perception too. But luckily the cooler wave with some occasional rain persisted and the relief came!
This is now the third way. In the evening I am dragging a camping mattress around the house in search of the most aired spot to sleep, followed by my two cats who always sleep near me.
Last night I slept with just the sheet, directly on the big carpet in my studio, that is also my bedroom. And I slept quite well. I remembered that around my 30's / 40's I always slept on the floor, on a carpet, and it felt so good. Something that I definitely put apart when I came to Italy, to not exceedingly shock the people around with my too many "excentricities", as they usual perceive my being so different!
This third heat wave should reach 38° C. Not the 40° and more reached in the second (not so high as in France and Spain!) and should be drier, therefore somehow more bearable. The hottest day next Wednesday, when I will be out for most part of the day as I have to meet someone in Alessandria...
Eventually it will be over. I say no more.






