In Castaneda's book: "The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge" the shaman, don Juan, tells him about the importance of being invisible, not making yourself visible. Here's the passage:
"I learned to become a crow because these birds are the most effective of all. No other birds bother them, except perhaps larger, hungry eagles, but crows fly in groups and can defend themselves. Men don't bother crows either, and that is an important point. Any man can distinguish a large eagle, especially an unusual eagle, or any other large, unusual bird, but who cares about a crow? A crow is safe. It is ideal in size and nature. It can go safely into any place without attracting attention."
I feel it resonates somehow about me being a nobody (the post here).
In all my previous years I tried to learn and apply the different attitudes of the place/nation where I was living, so that I could blend in. But I was not that successful - although in the northern countries of Europe it wasn't bad at all.
There, in the north of Europe, for sure I felt better and safer. In Italy: I walk on eggshells. But in Central Italy, in the Adriatic regions, it was a total failure. Such a tremendous failure that I felt scared, deeply scared, even for my physical safety. Their male chauvinism was incredibly extreme (at least for my perception). But it felt normal to everybody, included to the women's world. It was so much normal, that it wasn't felt as something they had somehow accepted! That was their normal and decent (!) way to live.
I didn't realise the depth of this attitude. Therefore, if I was queuing in a shop and when was my turn a male client came in, and was immediately served, I complained out loud and asked and expected my right to be respected. My Italian is unequivocally from Milan. Although they all seem to have Milan in great consideration and respect, they still don't like when you, as a woman - even if you are from Milan - live there and expect to change their habits.
Yes, after my sharp complain I was served - before the man they were giving the priority, even if he was the last one in the queue. But I was served horrendously, payed more, and their murderous looks and attitudes were hideous.
For sure I was not a nobody. I wasn't an invisible crow. I was visible and hearable with my Milanese accent, and I hated it. Because I don't like to stand out. But there, I couldn't blend in. Honestly I felt as if I were in a Muslim country where women do not count. And because it never occurred to me that a difference of behaviour was due depending on the gender, the surprise and appalment were immense!
On the other side, there was a trick that women adopted. In fact, they discovered a way to fool their men. They dressed extremely chic, with a marked make up - the souther physiognomy is very strong and a light make up doesn't correspond to their striking inner and outer essence - so, in this way, all well decorated for the performance, they became fashionable goddesses. And they had great satisfaction in commanding or manipulating. Sometimes with sexy innuendos that immediately called the men into their game, where at the end the women always won. Or they did order outloud and even sharply, and the men immediately obeyed.
This is something that is not for me. I can't play neither roles. I am completely out. I have long reflected about my "rigidity". Is this a rigidity? I suppose it is.
On the other hand, I also think: why on earth should I be in a place where this kind of behaviour is totally alien to me?! And indeed I ran away as soon as my mother (who wanted to spend her last years at the seaside) died, when the nightmare with her ended. Feeling no bonds with those people, nothing would have kept me there.
My daughter, who loves to severly patronise me, for being so different from what she expects me to be, always reproached me for leaving, instead of staying and defend, affirming my position... Funny to be scolded by someone who totally expects the others to take care of her, always thinking she does all the work and totally unsatisfied about whatever it is done for her, in order to please her!
Yes, life is very complicated when you are with people with no resonance with you. And now I know for sure: it is a must to leave them behind. They will go on with their lives, in their own way; and you will go on with your life in your own way. And surprise surprise: your life, without them, will flourish, your soul will breathe and expand, and evolve. What a relief!
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