Bewilderment

I am realising that all the pain I feel inside about my family of origin and the relationship with my daughter is due to the fact that I was convinced there were good feelings. Yes, my mother was a deeply disturbed woman, but my youngest brother, my favourite one, what happened to him?! And what about my daughter, I honestly felt we had good interactions... how could she change so much?

They married a partner who let them grow parts that with me were not possible to manifest. Marrying made them stronger and with traits that simply were unfathomable to express with me. 

A deep dishonesty from my brother: apparently the most truthful and consequent, reliable, with decent and moral principles, when in reality he (and his wife) became more and more explicitly boor and deceitful.

With my daughter we always mocked the girls who expected to be waited on hand and foot by their partners... I remember having made fun with her about this attitude that many girls adopt, as if showing to be spoiled were the best rule to take up in a relationship. 

Exactly some days after she was comfortably sitting on the couch and she asked her partner "Honey, bring me a glass of fruit juice, please?" I turned towards her amused, thinking she was joking... but she wasn't. And I was glad that she didn't see me almost laughing at that request!

The worst parts in both of them grew more and more evidently. I am not saying that their partners instilled in them the nasty characteristics they began to show. These were already there. But their partners legitimated them in adopting this kind of behaviour. And I didn't realise it, and kept being completely confused and lost, expecting them to become "normal" again, while, on the contrary they were more and more alienating from me. 

I didn't get it, up to now! This morning I realised what I have been unable to understand what was going on up to now. After all I am an Asperger, if you declare you are honest I expect you to be it. If you declare you are a decent person I expect that from you. Otherwise my Asperger brain codifies that as confusing information and I remain in a state of bewilderment, not able to react appropriately...

Now I even understand how could I accept so many unacceptable behaviours from them: because I had filed them into the folder "decent people" while there weren't / aren't. I wasn't quick enough to understand my mistake in filing them into the wrong folder!