Back to sun time

 

In Europe time changed last night. We are back to solar time. It has been a very strange Summer, which reminded me of the north European Summers I enjoyed so much because they were bearable. In Italy, to my perception, they are tough. When you are in the flat lands of the river Po valley because of the heavy humidity. In the center and in the south because it gets really hot.

Not last Summer though. And it was really awkward. In spite of enjoying my “ideal” Summer I felt a kind of uneasiness. My system memorised this kind of Summer in a northern European choreography, therefore it felt so strange, unusual, looking around and seeing the Italian  landscape appearing, so unexpected! It didn't match the memory!

Summer over, and we hoped in a warm and joyous Autumn, but we got rain instead. Just a continuous rain…

Now with an hour difference, at five in the the afternoon, it seems already evening…

 

Read More

Missing them

 

I lived four years in the Apennines, in central Italy. There was solitude, silence, and a lushy, gorgeous and impressive vegetation there, together with a certain wilderness given by the many animals you could encounter.

At night too.

The suddenly cry of a fox, waking you up while you were deeply sleeping, with that terrible and creepy cry, just down below your bedroom window, was really something that gave me the chills. An intense mixture of deep emotions and awe, together with fear.

And the first time I saw a serpent. Not just the little snakes you do happen to see, hushly trying to hide as soon as they perceive someone approaching. But a long one: at least 1.20/1.50 mt. and 5 cm thick. Completely black, shining his frightening blackness, while sleeping in the sun on a big rock, down below the living room window, overlooking the wild creek, with all the Apennines  framing the spectacular view.

A round badger with the thick fur, calmly crossing the road, busy doing his things. A ferret... All animals I never had any occasion to meet in person, not even in the Alps or in the Us Yellowstone National Park.

But what I liked the most were the different kind of night birds I could hear at night. I never felt alone with them all around, "silently" talking to me in their secret language without words, that one can understand only if listening through the soul!

 

Read More

Numb

 

 

The most incredible thing is when close and beloved family members, you always tried to honour and accept in their flaws, turn against you, betray you, rob you, consciously want to hurt you… It is so unbelievable that the immense surprise numbs you totally, and you don’t even suffer. You stop feeling. You just freeze… And the time stops.

Read More

My slow time

 

After having spent almost 9 years with my schizophrenic mother, 7/7 & 24/24, where my life stopped being a life, I needed almost two years to somehow recover, physically and mentally. Meanwhile old age has caught me. And now I am 71.

Although I still have a sneaking anxiety in the background of my inside, always ready to pop out in all its triumph and pomp, I know immediately how to react, in order to push it into a modest presence, slightly noticeable.

I'm healthy. I am a vegetarian since my university time and lately I have become almost totally vegan. The only exception yoghurt/kefir that I produce myself.

But my strength has decreased dramatically. Although I do keep exercising.

Besides, my time has expanded. I need much more time for everything.

I am a journalist/writer and an esotericist. I teach the secret art of using wisely the energy (within + without). Now mainly through YouTube. But it was always my intention to resume everthing in books.

During my "jail time" (this is how I call the terrible 9 years with my schizophrenic mother) I managed to write here and there a kind of a "flow chart" with the various topics priority. The matter is extensively wide and articulated, therefore I needed to understand which approach to choose.

But living in a scattered time, where everything depended on my mother's whims - that I constantly tried to keep contained - my writing production was scattered too.

Now I am trying to recover everything and somehow put it together in a wise sequence. But, to my dismay, I realise that I am taking so much time because I keep finding new variables to reflect upon.

Once I was brilliant, quick and keen, and yet deep and with a very wide horizon. Now my depth has grown so much, together with the width of my horizon, that the many reflections I did before, rarely fit with my new conclusions. As a result I am terribly slow and with an unusual discomfort towards me, not being able to produce at a quicker pace.

Old age is indeed like everyone has always said: inside you still feel alert and vibrant, but productivity is really slow and even clumsy.

 

Read More

At Home

 

Finally at home. A home I feel totally mine. After 25 moves up and down the Alps. Down to the Apennines. Up to the very core of the Alps. And down again, in the flat land of the Po Valley. In Italy. In the Oltrepò.

I am now 71. Incredible. In the hustle and bustle of a life full of pressure, drama, danger, I have reached this age without being aware of my time passing by.

Eventually the violent chaos is over. There is silence within and without. And Autumn is here. I lit my candles. I burn the aromatic herbs I dried. Their scent gently invades the space. My space. My home. In the silence I feel at peace.

 

Read More