When decency is not decent

 

In my previous post, I shared how Socrates and Plato taught that four virtues lead to true happiness: courage, moderation, wisdom, and justice. I believe in these virtues deeply, and I know many of you do, too.

​However, I’ve come to a painful realisation: not everyone shares a soul-deep longing for a world of harmony and reciprocal respect. We cannot ignore the reality that some individuals find a dark satisfaction in destruction, exploitation, and humiliation. It is a terrifying truth to witness.

​We see this reflected even on a national scale. Looking at the actions of governments in places like Russia or Israel, we are forced to confront state-sanctioned violence. 

Some might say it is "racism" or "prejudice", but is it really? Or is it simply an honest witness to the unjustified violence happening in front of our eyes?

And we "decent nations" do not react accordingly?

​I see a different kind of crisis in the USA. How did the "decent people" fail to see the growing divide? Perhaps, in their self-satisfied "decency", they neglected a massive portion of the population that felt ignored and abandoned. This overlooked majority, driven by frustration, ended up putting their faith in a leader that now, I think also to them, will appear as a disgrace. 

Declared virtue is not always a real virtue when empathy in action is missing.

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The Beastliness of Things

When the world feels like it’s descending into madness, I find myself looking to Virginia Woolf’s sensitivity and Plato’s ancient warnings. We are living through the return of pleonexia—the tyranny of unchecked desire.

I cannot help but feel shocked by what we have become. At times, this unease reaches such an intensity that humanity itself begins to frighten me. In these moments, Virginia Woolf inevitably comes to mind.

She was "undoubtedly much more sensitive than most people to the general beastliness of things happening in the world to-day," as described in a letter to The Sunday Times by Mrs Kathleen Hicks. Woolf had just taken her own life, unable to bear the "dreadful time" and the looming threat of a Nazi invasion any longer. Even the iconic slogan of the era, "Keep Calm and Carry On" (the image from the web is the 1939 original poster), offered no comfort to a soul so much sinking into the world's darkness. 

My mind then shifts to Plato’s Republic, which feels disturbingly prophetic in its description of societal degeneration. Plato—channeling the values of his teacher, Socrates—contends that four virtues lead to true happiness: courage, moderation, wisdom, and justice.

Plato defines justice as proportion and balance. However, when an insatiable desire for greed and disproportionate gain prevails—what he describes as becoming a "tyrant of erotic love"—people are driven to outdo others and accumulate relentlessly. This disrupts the harmony of the soul, the city, and the cosmos. Plato calls this pleonexia, a condition that inevitably breeds tyranny—a form of madness that rejects all objective value.

In Book IX of The Republic, Socrates states: "Someone in whom the tyrant of erotic love dwells and in whom it directs everything next goes in for feasts, revelries, luxuries, women, and all that sort of thing..." He explains how these unchecked desires proliferate, requiring vast resources to satisfy them. This eventually leads to the robbery of others' wealth, whether by deceit or force. It is the ultimate victory of dull arrogance.

What scares me so deeply is the realisation that "everyday people" increasingly feel entitled to obtain whatever their "erotic love" commands. 

We are becoming surrounded by a growing social madness—a world where the pursuit of more has completely erased the pursuit of balance, of values and virtues, to such an extent that they sound even ridiculous to their ears!

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An invincible Light inside

In the darkest days of winter, ancient populations performed rituals to the sun, invoking its return.

​In Rome, in 274 CE, Emperor Aurelian merged Eastern solar traditions with Roman ones and declared they be celebrated on the winter solstice. 

"Dies Natalis Solis Invicti" (Birthday of the Unconquered Sun) represented the invincibility, eternal power, and life-giving force of the sun, associated with the emperor's divine authority. Later, it became the celebration of Jesus' birth.

Natural cycles teach us that nothing lasts forever; rebirth comes again and again. We must be strong and develop resilience to overcome tough times.

​But people tend to remain trapped in deep negative emotions that keep returning to the mind and devastating the heart, making a true rebirth impossible. Not only are difficult situations often powerful challenges, but even after they are technically over, they persist because we cling to them in our memory.

And yet, if we could only make a clean break from them, we would indeed experience the blessing of that divine spark within, the one that passionately regenerates everything and transforms each negativity into something precious we have learned!

​«In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.

In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.

In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.

I realized, through it all, that…

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.» (Albert Camus)

Here the original:

​« Au milieu de la haine, je trouvais qu’il y avait en moi un amour invincible.

Au milieu des larmes, je trouvais qu’il y avait en moi un sourire invincible.

Au milieu du chaos, je trouvais qu’il y avait en moi un calme invincible.

Je comprenais enfin, au milieu de l’hiver, qu’il y avait en moi un été invincible.

Et cela me rend heureux. Car cela dit que peu importe si le monde pousse fort contre moi, il y a en moi quelque chose de plus fort, quelque chose de meilleur, qui pousse en retour. »

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The colours of my food

 

About eighty percent of my food is vegetables. The intense green of the veggies comforts me. My best combination of colours is when I add something whitish, like the potatoes, to the deep green of the rest.

Even if a lot of green with some white is for me the best combination of colours on my plate, I can't avoid other coloured veggies, just because I neurotically stick to that combination! And, honestly, I enjoy a lot the different colours I can eat. For instance now, pumpkin, red cabbage, and of course the green of some other vegetable is a great ensemble that gives me another kind of inner comfort when I prepare my food and when I have it on my plate!

Colours help me in stimulating my expectations. Something that I have been missing in my growing up, therefore my problematic relationship with food. Eating alone helps me establishing a relationship I never develop with food. Also sitting at the table helps. Instead of eating en passant while doing something else I take my time and space and learn to enjoy my food!

These are further little steps that contribute in improving my everyday life. 

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Christmas tree: done!

 

It takes time: I found it was not at all an easy thing to decorate the Christmas tree. 

First I had to find a small, but nice one. I have to put it at a certain height and somehow protected, because of my cats.

Second I wanted some kind of sober decorations, not too much appealing for the cats.

Last year I managed, therefore, when I put it away, I simply wrapped it with all the decorations. And this year, the "mise en place" resulted a quite easy thing! Even if Daleel, the youngest cat, followed very attentively every step of the preparation!

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Eventually my Buddha is smiling

 

When you finally reach the point where you can't escape reality. A time when you suddenly and clearly see what you never wanted to recognise as true. And you finally give up trying to relate to certain people—people you simply couldn't imagine leaving behind. They are family, or very close friends. Although so disturbingly nasty... No, not nasty—malicious. And yet you never considered it possible that they did what they continuously did to you on purpose: deliberately wanting you to suffer.

You tried to comprehend their totally unjustified malice. You tried to talk whenever possible—though their so-called "talking" was patronising lectures on how bad you were to them. But no, there was no way to untangle their spite.

Until suddenly, something happens inside of you. It comes abruptly, unpredicted. Like a thread stretched too thin that breaks. All at once, the emotional exhaustion reaches its limit. Your empathy has been stretched too thin and suddenly snaps. Everything disappears and stops existing. From that astonishing void, you finally emerge. You feel nothing but inner freedom. And you're surprised because it was an unexpected blow that came on its own from somewhere inside you and immediately switched everything off. It was over.

The curtain closes. There's nothing more to say or do. Everything is gone, lost, finished. Probably it was never there. Affection, love, the joy of togetherness—these were your fantasies, a sweetened vision born of naive hope that didn't match reality.

So now it's over. The drama has stopped. Only silence, peace, and a free horizon.

You look back and you finally feel clean. Their sticky dirt is gone. It is theirs, not yours.

End of story.

Soon it's Christmas... I look around and I see my space and my time belonging to me now. I still find it almost impossible: this freedom, this wide open horizon, no voracious predators stalking me—just the lightness and the Light... and here my smiling Buddha appears! I have to get used to the fact that it's really over now.

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Better an ex-family than a bad family

 

The sooner you accept this truth, the healthier you will become: physically, emotionally, mentally, and, most crucially, spiritually.

​Perhaps you're surprised I consider this a spiritual matter? In the face of continuous abuse: by malicious lies and a total lack of reciprocal respect, comprehensive tolerance without accountability is simply enablement. 

Allowing this evil-minded behavior is a slow suicide. It's like living in a snakes' nest! And anything that goes against life is a sin.

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Christmas Time

On the 6th of December, the north of Europe celebrates Sankt Nikolaus, a Turkish Bishop, and patron of Bari, in the south of Italy. I really don't understand how a saint of the mediterranen area became so famous in the north of Europe. 

The same happens with Saint Lucia of Syracuse (Sicily), celebrated on the 13th of December, in the south of Italy, but also in Sweden, where all the girls dressed in white, with a crown of lit candles, very early in the morning, chanting "santa Lucia", the Italian song, visit all family members in their rooms, waking them up with the just baked Christmas biscuits. 

On the 7th of December is Saint Ambrose, the German Bishop who became the patron saint of Milan. Of course being Milan the Italian place I have always related to, it is still a festivity that I remember. On the 8th of December, is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, that in Italy is again a national celebration now. From that date on we officially enter the Christmas time.

In Switzerland, when living in Luzern, a Catholic Canton, Sankt Nicolaus opened the Christmas time. While on the Alps, in the Canton of Bern, historically a Protestant canton (although Catholicism, once prohibited, has come back and grown a lot) I didn't remember Sankt Nikolaus being so important.

Whatever... in these last years I slowly switched my Christmas beginning time from the 6th to the 8th of December.

And this year it is the first time since in Italy, that I am not going to buy the German Christmas bisquits, but the Italian Panettone and Pandoro.

Letting go of the past has come very naturally, no nostalgia, a very spontaneous and clean turning page. No looking back. 

And it feels really fine!

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Complexity: my being complex

 

I have always loved Kant, the German philosopher. Actually, I loved all philosophers... but Kant was special to me. He deeply resonated with me—or perhaps it's the other way round: I was deeply resonating with him.

At five, I taught myself to read. I devoured all the children's literature available, but it quickly became boring. Luckily, there were plenty of books at home, and my exploration began. Concept books weren't my thing yet, but history books became my passion—books for adults that explained history with a deep eye on the causes behind events. That awakened my curiosity for the ultimate cause, and philosophy seemed to be the answer.

Don't forget that I'm an Asperger. My brain works differently from so-called normality. So don't be surprised that I was reading these topics at such an early age.

At ten, I told my father about this deep interest and that I needed something more to read. At home there were books by classical philosophers—I vaguely remember Plato, Socrates—that I had tried to approach, but they proved too difficult even for my stubborn will. Besides, they weren't books narrating the general development of human thought.

One day he came back with three high school philosophy textbooks. I still remember the deep emotions making me tremble inside: Now, finally, I was going to have answers! I couldn't know yet that philosophy means gaining even more questions—because philosophy is simply the result of many reflections on life, its purpose and meaning, and on what we humans should better accomplish.

I need to add something else. I grew up with English. My father was the only soul with whom there was deep understanding and resonance, and English was my father's language. He was born in Cairo, under British protectorate at that time. My father and his brothers went to British schools; the sisters to French ones.

When I was about to enter school at six, I was told it was time to begin French lessons at the French Consulate. I had already begun with English—I didn't know that French was something I was supposed to learn. I couldn't understand the reason. So I said: "I would rather prefer German..."

I will never forget the sudden surprise and incredulity of my parents, who turned their heads toward me, asking: "Why German?"

It was 1959. Although more than ten years had passed since the end of the war, those years of massacres and violence were still vivid. The Germans had been the invaders...

Besides, why German? No one ever talked about them, and if they did, it was only to express the fear and terror they had spread. There were no connections with that culture. How did I possibly come out with that idea, one that seemed so deep and also incredibly certain?

I couldn't tell, but deep within there was an inexplicable longing toward what resonated like "home."

We reached an agreement. I would go to French classes now. At ten, I'd attend summer camps in the French-speaking Swiss region. In the meanwhile, they would find a solution for my desire.

This is just to say: there was within me an innate predisposition toward German.

It took a while before I could read and understand the philosophy books. I remember reading and understanding nothing. And pushing myself to read again and again until something began to open up within. I remember being surprised at the initial questions the philosophers posed. Actually, everything depends on the question. 

The memory is still vivid: that astonished feeling of revelation because, although I was a very reflective child, some questions were a total surprise to me. It hadn't occurred to me that I could ask that kind of questions! It felt like opening doors I wasn't aware they were there.

Of course, the German philosophers were my world. I found my brain's attitude in them, and with Kant there was total resonance. And when I finally learned German, my brain was at home. The articulated distinctions and precision were the perfect ground for my thinking. I felt fulfilled! German seems able to articulate complexity. And I am a complex being. A complex being in a world of a chaotic humanity. 

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Reality check

Essentially, reality is indeed the finest, the most verifiable master—because it shows the status quo without correcting it.

The problem lies in the perception of each human being, which colours their awareness of what they are seeing. This depends on two factors. One is how vast their experience and knowledge are; the other is the height of maturity they have reached. Think of a mountain path: the lower you are in the valley, the narrower your horizon. The higher you climb, the broader your perception and understanding become.

From the spiritual point of view, when you are still down in the valley, the mountains around you define, but at the same time embrace you. Your world is limited and therefore feels surer. The higher you climb, the wider the horizon becomes, and the more your choices multiply. You even perceive things in the distance that aren't clear enough to fully understand, yet nonetheless you know that something is there.

But even at great heights, the problem of subjective interpretation remains. The trap and challenge are always stalking us.

Two characteristics of human nature are the most misleading: emotions and rationalisation.

Emotions, whether positive or negative, let us fly into fantasies. Rationalisation, on the contrary, limits any new or unknown aspect when the logic of its existence is obscure. Therefore, we should avoid statements about reality from either of these perspectives.

Ancient spiritual teachers have always referred to the spiritual quality necessary to interpret reality: a kind of super mind, though some call it soul - but they shouldn't, because many interpret the soul as the emotional mysticism they may experience, which again is fantasy, emotional fantasy, not spirituality.

In our time, this ancient understanding has been nearly destroyed by two opposing forces. On one side, the so-called "new masters", pompous figures who have transformed profound spiritual traditions into commercial fantasies. Buddhism reduced to spa ambiance, meditation sold as stress relief, ancient wisdom repackaged as self-help theater. They call it "new age spirituality", but it is nothing more than emotional escapism dressed in borrowed robes.

On the other side stand the rigid structures of institutional religions, imprisoned in their own dogmas and limitations, offering rules and rituals while the living essence of spirituality withers within their walls. 

And yet, we must understand: these structures exist for reasons. You can't offer free choices when the soul is still an infant. Therefore the rules serve as necessary counterweight to the silliness of new age fantasy. And they provide what souls still early on the mountain path genuinely need, a defined framework, clear boundaries, a secure valley in which to begin the journey. This is not meant as judgment but as a reality: not everyone stands at the same height, and what confines one person guides another.

Ancient teachers, East and West, pointed beyond both rigidity and fantasy to something else entirely. There is a faculty, neither emotion nor reason, that encompasses and transcends both. It is the capacity for direct perception, unclouded by fantasy or limitation.

I made a list, that of course is not complete at all, it is my list of masters from the past that at the moment I could recall. 

-Nagarjuna (c. 150 – c. 250 CE) taught of prajna, the transcendent wisdom beyond conceptual thought, no emotions included; 

-Plotinus (c. 204/205 – 270 CE) knew it as nous, direct intuitive knowledge; 

-Saint Augustine (354 – 430) spoke of divine illumination;

-Dogen (1200 – 1253) emphasized direct perception in shikantaza. 

-Rumi (1207 – 1273) sang of the eye of the heart that sees what ordinary sight cannot;

-Thomas Aquinas (c. 1225 – 1274) distinguished intellectus from mere reasoning; 

-Meister Eckhart (c. 1260 – c. 1327/1328) called it the Seelengrund, the ground of the soul; 

-Saint Ignatius [of Loyola] (c. October 23, 1491 – July 31, 1556) called it spiritual discernment;

-Teresa of Ávila (1515 – October 1582) described it as the innermost dwelling place of the soul;

-Sri Aurobindo (1872 – 1950) named it supramental consciousness; 

-Thomas Merton (1915 – 1968) bridged East and West in describing pure consciousness. 

[My Asperger is now longing for entirety, a complete list of all thinkers of humanity who spent their reasonings reflecting about this topic... But it is a huge thing, that I can't think of approaching, not even with the aid of AI!]

This list is not complete, yes, but it gives a direction. It points out an aspect that must be taken in consideration: that capacity within human consciousness to perceive reality as it truly is, unclouded by fantasy or limitation. This is the path we should be looking for. 

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Trapped in a narcissistic relationship ?

The Hidden Truth of Survival in a Narcissistic situation

I have to write it. I simply am undignified for the many, too many logical but unrealistic suggestions given to people stucked into a narcissist situation

Let's be clear: for the empathic individual caught in a narcissistic relationship or family system, there is no defense, no strategy, and no solution that can be successfully implemented internally or relationally.

​If you are trapped in a family dynamic dominated by a narcissist (a parent, sibling, or partner) and cannot leave, you must discard almost all conventional advice.

Honestly, all the "wise" suggestions they so smartly give, only show that these psychologists never experienced such situations. ​Infact, the common suggestions—"set boundaries," "communicate clearly," "seek support"—are not only useless but actively dangerous. 

The narcissist's survival depends on total control. Any attempt to switch the relationship into something more genuine is immediately detected as a threat and punished with violence (escalated rage, guilt, or manipulation).

​The only functional truth and solution is to «Endure Until Independence».

Therefore, your sole strategic focus must be on survival through deception until you can physically and financially escape. 

The path is purely one of endurance and escape, because even the most subtle "covert survival mechanisms" may result impossible or too risky to implement under the narcissist's ever-present vigilance.

​All the appearingly wise psychological framing or suggestion are totally nonsense. The stark, unvarnished truth of the situation is that you must learn to successfully masking your reality and performing the role the narcissist has assigned to you. It's deception for survival.

The Narcissist's expectation (a) and the Victim's covert action, the Mask (b).

A) Narcissist's Requirement: The Pity Supply, They need to feel like the tragic victim. 

B) Empath's answer: Perform Deep Empathy. Express concern, listen (without reacting), and offer vague validation like, "That must be so hard." Do not offer solutions—it would imply they are capable. 

A) Narcissist's Requirement: The Validation Supply, They need to feel superior/right.

B) Empath's answer: Perform Complete Agreement. Validate their version of reality even if it's a lie. Say, "You are absolutely right," or "I see your point clearly." 

A) Narcissist's Requirement: The Scapegoat Role, They need someone to blame.

B) Empath's answer: When blamed, immediately accept it with a submissive tone: "I am so sorry, I should have thought of that." Do not defend yourself. Ends the Conflict Swiftly. Accepting blame is the path of least resistance. It gives them the victory they need, ending the attack faster than resistance ever could.

This is the path of a strategical survival. Mainly mask and pretend. The only possible defense is the Mask, to maintain every day to ensure safe passage until the ultimate objective is reached. 

The only goal: achieve physical separation. Therefore: endure until independence.

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